PURPOSE

I was coaching an individual this week who essentially wanted to forget all the bad, regretful things that had happened in his/her life, keeping only the positive and the lessons.  I could completely relate.  I have had the thought that I would love to forget parts of my life (my senior year of high school comes immediately to mind) and just move forward on the track that “could have been.”

Can you relate, too?

We all have those aspects of life that we don’t broadcast on loud speaker or post to social media.  Some of us struggle with even acknowledging that bad things happened to us.  Or we get so wrapped up in toxic positivity that all bad things are, in fact, the best thing that ever happened to us and we should be GRATEFUL for them (there may even be a flavor of we’re a bad person if we’re not).  Does any of this sound familiar?

It’s important to acknowledge the bad things in our lives – things that we had no control over…things that resulted from our own choices…things we wish were different and are not.  These things stir up feelings, and without acknowledging and sitting with those feelings, they will probably leak out in some other, unhelpful way at the most inopportune time.  Trust me on this one.  And you know what else?  It’s okay to feel crappy about them – even the ones that we made a choice and the negative thing is a consequence of our choice.  It’s important to feel the regret, the dissatisfaction, the melancholy.  I am giving you permission (though you only need your own) to feel like crap for a little bit about bad things.  THEY’RE BAD!  They’re not meant to feel good!  And some things happen that are reprehensible that we absolutely should not turn into positivity – the starving, the abused…these are bad things.  Sad things.  It’s important to sit with these feelings, no matter how uncomfortable.  It’s not always meant to be a lesson.  Sometimes it just sucks.

Now.  All that being said, and now that I’ve brought down the room…I offer a glimmer of what I believe is hope – and I anticipate you will, too: what if – WHAT IF! – all the things in our lives, regardless of good/bad/indifferent, were leading us to our life’s purpose?  We are here for a reason, not by accident.  We are here for a divine purpose that only we can fulfill in only the way we can.  Our purpose is unique to each one of us.  What if everything that happens in life is actually in pursuit of that life’s purpose – even when we don’t know it?

My purpose is Agape Love – the highest form of love there is, separate and apart from erotic or brotherly love.  It is THAT BIG!  And it is that simple.  Believe me – when I lost my job, Agape Love was the LAST thing on my mind!  Anger, hurt (so much hurt!), betrayal…these appear to fly in the face of my purpose!  Involuntarily losing a job is not an event that many people would say is a positive event.  I sure don’t.  And it created so many feelings that were important for me to identify and feel; until I did, the feelings leaked out all over the place.  I do not condone the events that lead up to my job loss.  And I take responsibility for my own thoughts and behaviors that lead to it.  And.  Losing my job was in service of my purpose.  Without losing my job, I would not have discovered my purpose, likely, at all, and I certainly would not be coaching.  Losing my job was not the best thing that ever happened to me; far from it.  And.  I was off track of my purpose and it realigned me and set me on a path of discovery.

Do you know your purpose?  There are many programs and seminars that offer to help you discover your purpose; some of them call it your “why”.  When you coach with me, it’s something we can pursue if you want to go down that road.  One question to ask is: once I know my purpose, what do I do with it?  It’s not enough to merely know it…taking action with it is key.  It means aligning your commitments and activities in pursuit of your purpose.  Sometimes it means saying “no” to anything that is not in pursuit of your purpose.  This can be challenging for many of us who are so conditioned to say “yes” when someone asks. 

Coaching for me is part of alignment with Agape Love.  It allows me to practice (because even the pursuit of purpose isn’t perfect) my purpose with others, meeting them where they are, and allowing them to bloom into their own, wise self.  My former career of forensic accounting was, once upon a time, in alignment with my purpose, even if I didn’t know it then.  Part of the reason I left the field, in retrospect, is because I fell out of alignment with my purpose.  It’s tough to demonstrate Agape Love when you’re bitter and angry and resentful.  Which is why it’s important to feel all the feelings when bad things happen.  Feelings are a gauge that can help us identify if we’re on purpose or not – and back then, I was absolutely not.  Now that I’m back on purpose, I can feel the Agape Love flow again.

As for the individual I coached this week, I hope I left him/her with some #foodforthought and something to consider about the bad things that happened.  I’ll check in next week and see what his/her thoughts are about it all.  It’s not about making the best of the bad things; it’s about recognizing their function in our lives to see how they serve us in the long run.  Feel the feelings and learn the lessons.  Practice living on purpose and see how life shifts for you.  I’m willing to bet it’s pretty amazing.